Holiday Care: Three Questions to Avoid Overwhelm and Anxiety
The holidays are approaching. It’s a great time to think about what you might need this year during this busy season. The holidays can be a wonderful, beautiful time of traditions, connections and family.
The holidays can also be a people pleasing,exhaustion-inducing fest full of overstimulation and unrealistic expectations. Holiday stress can lead to emotional eating and drinking or hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of much needed alone time.
How do you navigate the holidays when everything around you is saying it’s “... the most wonderful time of the year” but your mind is whispering, “I need a secret stash of Reese’s peanut butter cups to make it through the next two months.”
Let’s step back and set some intentions to add some guardrails to this holiday season.
Consider these three questions:
What is important to you during this year’s holiday season?
What are some realistic expectations for this year?
What can you consider letting go of this year?
What is important to you this holiday season?
There is so much to love about the holidays. The food, the decorations, the get-togethers, the time off from work. But there can be too much of a good thing, which leads to overstimulation and exhaustion. The remedy for this is to prioritize what is really important to you this holiday season. Make a list of what is really important to you. Find out what your partner is looking forward to this year. Talk to your kids if you have them. Then be prepared to hold the rest very loosely. This year, festive decorations are really important to me. My Dad died last year in November. This year, it is important to me to really embrace the beautiful decorations at our house. In past years, we barely got a Christmas Tree up. It’s okay for what feels important to you to shift from year to year.
Last year, during one of these conversations, I found out that Black Friday shopping is important to my daughter. She loves it. This is not necessarily something that I would put on the top of my list. But because she really enjoys it, it’s something we prioritized this year. She enjoys the time out with my sister and my mom. So we embrace the consumerism and go with it. Don’t judge what is important to you.
If you aren't quite sure, consider this list:
-Holiday light shows, plays, or musical events
-Elaborate meals
-Religious rituals and services
-family time playing games or making crafts
-baking
-decorating
-holiday movies at home or at the theater
-planning holiday trips
-allowing for “no schedule” days
-spending time outside in recreational activities
-volunteering
-sending holiday cards
-hosting holiday parties
What are your expectations of the holiday season? Are they realistic?
Have you seen the scene in Christmas Vacation where Clark’s wife is reminding him of his past history with unrealistic expectations? Can you relate?
What about you? How can you reign in your expectations? Here’s a tip for setting realistic expectations: what is your intention behind the expectation?
Let’s say, you find that you put a lot of emphasis on finding the perfect gifts for people. It might stress you out emotionally AND financially. What’s the intention behind those gifts? Do you want the recipients to feel loved and appreciated? Or does it feel like a huge obligation void of any joy? If you want people to feel loved and appreciated, are there other ways to do that that might lift the heavy expectation on a single gift? Perhaps a nice sentiment in a card, letting them know in small ways how much you appreciate them in your everyday life? Etc.
What can you consider letting go of this year?
If it is not something that is important to you, consider letting it go this year. You can always come back to it next year. Small things can make a big difference here.
Go back to the list of things that could be important to you. Is there anything you can consider letting go of? Maybe you can sit out the cookie exchange this year? Perhaps you don’t have to watch every holiday movie with the kids? Maybe instead of hosting a big meal on your celebrated holiday, you make something easy and play games instead?
Finally, the holidays can be a hard time if you’ve experienced a large life change this year. Maybe you’ve moved to a new town, lost a family member this year, are in a difficult time in your marriage right now, or are in a financially difficult position this year.
It’s okay for things to change from year to year. There will be years when the holidays will be full and joyful. There might also be years where the goal is to just get through it the best you can. The holidays will take as much space as you allow them to take up. They will tie you up in twinkle lights and hold you for ransom money if you’re not careful. :) Our best intentions can so easily lead us to be stressed out, overwhelmed and cranky.
The holidays can be however you need them to be this year. Take some time, talk to your friends and family. See what really matters to those you love. Explore what really matters to you and take it from there.
You got this.
Kate