Baby Steps or Stupid Steps?
Can a step forward be too small? Can a small step forward be a stupid step?
Each time I think about taking small steps instead of tackling the world at large, the “What About Bob” clip above runs through my mind.
Baby steps.
What would your version of baby steps look like today?
Put on the running shoes. Baby steps to the gym.
Write an outline. Baby steps to completing that college essay.
Three deep breaths. Baby steps to NOT zinging back that smart-ass comment.
RSVP-ing yes to the neighborhood get together. Baby steps to making more connections despite your fear that no one will talk to you and you die from awkward discomfort.
In counseling sessions, the concept of taking small steps and leaning into change often comes up. Most of us tend to the all or nothing trap. We believe we must forever give up sugar or binge on donuts and chocolate until we feel sick and filled with shame. Or we think we must transform into a Buddhist monk with 90 days of 60 minute meditations or never attempt 5 minutes of mindfulness. We should write the next Harry Potter series, or never pick up a pen. We get stuck in the black and white extremes of our minds.
I am certainly NOT immune to this phenomena. In fact, I’m doing an experiment right now which requires me to put my money where my mouth is as far as small steps goes.
I strongly believe in the power of leaning in and taking small steps. And yet, when I look to apply this principle in my own life, I easily slide into a comfortable cynical attitude that it won’t work, that it isn’t enough. My brain believes, but the critical gremlins bouncing around in my brain still screech “Stupid idea! Who do you think you are anyway? This will never work!”
These are the times when the gap between logical knowledge and a felt sense of truth feels overwhelming vast and unsurpassable.
In order to bridge that gap we have to use our hands and feet to get across. We have to actually practice our new skills or attitudes out in the world. We need to play around with the actions and behaviors within the chosen experiment. We need to see for ourselves if the small steps hold up in real life.
Lately, my small steps have to do with expression and creativity. I’m currently writing a sentence a day. Just one sentence a day. You heard me right. One sentence. Seems pretty tiny doesn’t it? And yet...this post here started as one sentence for this project.
Atomic Habits author, James Clear, suggests that when we try to do something different from our usual way of being, to create a new habit, we need to shrink it down until it becomes so easy that NOT doing it seems silly.
This is how I landed on writing just one sentence. But not without some trial and error. I started with 20 minutes of writing. Way too hard. Then 10 minutes. Nope. Then one paragraph. Nope. And now I’m at one sentence. That goal seems easy enough. So this is where I am for the next month. Moving forward by writing one sentence a day with my hands and feet. Well, not really with my feet, but you get the idea. :)
Do you know what is so interesting? Even though I’m easily writing a sentence each day and I’ve only missed one day. Even though since I’ve started this little experiment I’m writing more than ever. Even though things are going well, the gremlins still show up every so often.
If you could tune in for your listening enjoyment, this is what you might hear them say:
Honestly, one sentence? That is not going to get you anywhere.
If this is where you need to start you will never get to where you want to go.
I’m not sure this even counts.
How long will it take you to build up to a decent writing practice?
I can’t believe you are actually admitting that you are writing a sentence a day.
How do you write LOSER in one sentence lady?
Delightful aren’t they? I share this experience because it isn’t embarrassing, it’s expected. It’s all part of the process. This is actually how meaningful change, shifts and growth usually occurs. Baby steps or small steps forward helps you to sustain the discomfort that will inevitably arise so you can keep moving forward. Don’t fear the gremlins, expect them. Welcome them. Let them hang out, but then get back to baby stepping.
Let’s circle this all back to you. Is there something you’ve wanted to start recently but it felt too overwhelming? Do you want to read more? Start drawing again? Want to move more? Start telling your partner how you really feel?
Here are a few steps to help you get unstuck:.
Determine how or what area of your life you would like to move forward in.
Choose a small step forward? Is it really small enough to stick with consistently. Be honest. No? Then shrink it until it is. I could’ve shrunk mine to 3 words a day. One word a day.
Pick a time you are willing to commit to. A week, 14 days? A month?
Pick a way to track your progress. I am using Habit Beads. I’ll share a bit later how that system works. You could use a calendar, an app on your phone, or simply count out 14 pennies and put them in a bowl. Each day that you complete the habit, move one penny from the full bowl to an empty bowl.
Remember: The gremlins or the critical WILL show up at some point. Decide how you are going to deal with them.
For me, I let them screech and mock. But this is what I say in response. “NOT writing a sentence a day has gotten me nowhere. NOT writing makes me feel bad too. Writing one sentence a day at least gets me somewhere. I have plenty of time.”
Listen, here’s the bottom line, as you move forward into new territory, those critical voices will very likely show up to convince you that baby steps are stupid steps. They’re wrong.
Are you ready to start taking small steps in a new direction to develop new habits and behaviors? If you are, let me know what your small step looks like.
Warmly,
Kate
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